A Mother's Loss

A friend of mine recently faced the immensely painful loss of losing both her twin boys to premature labor at 24 weeks.  Her baby boys weren’t yet strong enough to survive out of her womb.  As I read her post on Facebook, I felt so saddened for her and the painfully, excruciating loss she now faced.  I felt sorrow wash over me like an unwanted cold shower battering my skin, making me feel physically faint.

Years ago, when I went through the post-abortive study and walked through my (finally allowed) grieving process over Grace Noel, I experienced and learned the deep feelings of a mother’s loss of her baby child.  Because of my experiences, today I am able to commiserate and feel with other mothers when they experience this loss.  It is an agony no words can touch.  It is an agony which makes one feel drowned in sorrow and in desperate, unbelievable realization that what happened cannot be changed.  It cannot be undone.  Babies cannot be brought back from the dead.  We can only continue to put one foot in front of the other through the searing fire of sorrow and wait for God and time to heal the wounds, while also leaving the scars.  

I am healed, but my scars remain as a source of love, understanding, and compassion for myself and others.  A mother’s loss of a child is beyond words of human explanation or comprehension, only another mother who has faced a similar situation can possibly understand with the depths of her soul.  My heart and soul lovingly hug each and every mother who has faced such loss.

My Story - A Testimony for CNN

The Silent No More Awareness Campaign just sent out an email saying that CNN is doing a special report  on abortion, and they are inviting women to submit their testimonies about their experiences.  CNN is accepting testimonies in different types of formats until Friday, February 15, 2013.  This is a perfect opportunity for women who have actually experienced an abortion to speak out truthfully and let the world know the impact their abortion(s) has had on them.  You may choose to remain anonymous in your testimony and do not have to give your name or location.  I feel it is very important for women who regret their abortion and experienced negative results to speak out.  Too many lies are promoted today that abortion is no big deal and that it is a simple procedure that women can have without ill effects.  If the women who regret and have been hurt by abortion do not speak out, the lies will continue on, and the general public will continue to be deceived.

Here is the testimony I submitted today.  I used parts of a previous testimony I had submitted for the state of Texas.

My Story - A Horrible Nightmare

I had a horrible nightmare!  I was dreaming I had another abortion.  Oh my gosh, it was a horrid dream.  I didn't know why I was having another abortion, and I kept questioning that very fact.  In my dream, I saw myself walking in what was supposed to be a Planned Parenthood and being directed to the room where the abortion would take place.  I kept thinking, “I can’t believe I’m doing this!”  And I remember telling myself, “You don’t have to do this!”  I had the procedure done and was consequently being directed to sit in a recovery area.  As I was led there and shown to where I should have my recovery, I remember seeing someone else’s drops of blood on the same bench where I was being told to sit.  I thought how nasty that was and how I didn't want to go sit there.  Throughout the entire dream I kept repeating in my mind, over and over, “I can’t believe I am having another abortion”, “Why would I do this when I hate abortion so much and have talked about hating it and being against it?” 

Baby Development Facts – Conception and Implantation

Conception and Implantation - Week 3 (Days 1-7)*

Conception happens approximately about two weeks after the first day of a woman’s menstrual period. The instant a single male sperm and a female egg unite incredible life processes immediately begin to take place. At the moment conception occurs, equal amounts of chromosomes from both the woman and man unite together into once cell and immediately begin determining the sex of the baby, the eye and hair color, and many other things. 

http://www.sciencephoto.com/media/312628/enlarge

This is an image of a sperm reaching an egg

In less than a week after conception, the resulting tiny cell will travel down from the fallopian tube and snugly implant into the lining of the woman’s uterus so that it may be able to receive nourishment.  Safely there, it will continue to divide into a larger group of cells which will rapidly begin to form all the parts of a baby.  As the cells are dividing, they actually begin to take on distinct functions that make up a human body.

Related Posts:  Baby Development Facts – Defining the Weeksof Pregnancy

*Gestation “Week 3” is counting from the first day of the woman’s last period.  “Days 1-7” count from the actual moment of conception.  For more information about this, see Baby Development Facts – Defining the Weeks of Pregnancy.

Baby Development Facts – Defining the Weeks of Pregnancy

Defining the Weeks of Pregnancy

Before I begin describing some of the stages of development, I find it really important to explain what it actually means when a woman is told “You are ___ weeks along in your pregnancy”.    

When I was expecting my babies, this was always very confusing to me:  If a human pregnancy is supposed to last for 9 months, why is a full term pregnancy stated as 40 weeks?  Isn’t 9 months equal to 38 weeks?  The doctor would tell me I was certain amount of weeks along, but I knew that I had not conceived that far back because I kept very detailed records of my cycles and was pretty certain of when I had actually conceived.  Back then, no one took the time to explain this to me.  That is why I’m taking the time to explain it here.

My Story - A Bloom for Grace

This morning, as I prayed and journaled, I realized the date…

Some of my journaling and conversations with God this morning were of the sorrowful, disheartened kind.  I long to do more to reach out to and help others, while at the same time I’m feeling so ineffective with whatever reaching out I attempt to do.  I am filled with incredible joy when I can help someone else with what I have experienced and learned in my life.  Yet, I’m not sure of how much help I’m being and have been feeling disheartened about that, wondering if my efforts are being directed in the right/wrong way. 

As I pondered those things this morning, I realized that in four days, it will have been 27 years since I aborted Grace.  Here comes another dreaded anniversary of a day I wish I could completely undo from my past. 

Abby Johnson's Story

In 2009, Abby Johnson was the director of a thriving Planned Parenthood clinic in Bryan, Texas.  By that time, she had been named Employee of the Year and invested 8 years of her life and career working for Planned Parenthood.  Her sincere desire was to help women who found themselves in need and in crisis.  In 2009, by God-incidence, Abby was asked to help an abortionist with an ultrasound assisted abortion.  For the first time, Abby observed with her eyes exactly what happens during an abortion procedure.  That moment became a tipping point for Abby.  In those brief moments, Abby faced her own crisis with her past and her present.