My Story - Letters to Grace

I wanted to create a separate post just for the letters we have written to Grace thus far.  Here it is.

September 2010

My dearest Grace Noel,

I am so happy that God has given me your name this year.  I love calling you by your God-given name.  It is precious.  You are absolutely precious.  It is so emotionally difficult to write this letter to you because of my great sorrow of the circumstances that now bring me to write you this letter.  I long to express many things that I never had the opportunity to say to you in person. 

I love you.  I loved you twenty four years ago.  However, I didn’t know what true, sacrificial love really was back then.  I had much to learn about love.  And I had a lot of overwhelming fears that God has been working for many years to free me from.  I am so sorry I sacrificed your earthly life for the safety and comfort of my own.  Will you please forgive me?  I know I have asked this of you many times before, but I cannot go on in this letter without asking it again. 

My Story - The Memorial Service

Well, I’ve arrived to the part of my story where I will share about the memorial service our post abortive group had for our babies.  This is a really difficult thing to “re-live” as I type it up to post on the blog.  I sort of dread it, but at the same time, know that I shouldn’t.  It’s not easy to dwell on these painful memories and the tears want to flow again.  This will be a lengthy post.

I’ll begin with a recount of what happened the night before the day of the memorial service.

September 27, 2009

This evening, my husband and I were about to eat some dinner together, and I noticed that one of the ladies from the post abortive group had called my cell phone, and I had missed the call.  She was a young woman whom I had felt led to reach out to and love on during the study weeks.  She came to my mind often as I sensed such pain in her heart, and we went to lunch together or would converse over text or phone on occasion.  I will call her Sarah as I tell this little part of her story, although that is not her real name. I have also changed the name of the little girl.

My Story – The Post Abortive Study, Part VI

In September 2009, I excitedly began working on this blog.  Over the last few years, writing has become my outlet.  And I desperately needed one during this time to express all that was swirling within me regarding my abortion and the post abortive study. 

On September 20^th, I write in my journal that I’ve made the decision to release my husband from any involvement in the post abortive study, the healing process, and the upcoming memorial service for the baby.  It is not an easy decision to make.  But I continue to have the feeling that he does not really want to be a part of it; maybe it’s too difficult for him, and he’s not ready to deal with it now.  Just because it is my God-ordained time to face this head on does not mean that it is also his time.  So, I made the difficult decision to remain silent and continue to walk through it with God as my constant companion and use the blog as an outlet for all the things I must express.