Recently, I was listening to the song “He Will Come” by Mandisa and paying close attention to the words. I was moved by how appropriate the words were for us women who have experienced the pain and loss of abortion.
We believed a lie that abortion was the better choice for us and our babies. We have faced dark moments and such agony of unspeakable loss. It’s been extremely difficult expressing what we have gone through. Either because we’ve been too ashamed or afraid to say anything or because no words can speak the grand canyon of what we think or feel.
How in the world do we share with others what we’ve done and how we feel about it?
How can they possibly understand unless they have gone through the same thing?
How do we express the depths and rollercoaster of the emotions that sometimes we don’t even understand ourselves? We just know there is an aching and an emptiness that lingers on and on, and we cannot fill it.
We have been victims of our past and the choice we made and have felt despairing moments when we saw no hope for redeeming our broken past.
And as much as we have tried in any number of countless ways, we are unable to change that past and make it all right.
I want to reassure everyone who reads this blog:
God will come and wrap His arms around you. It’s not too much or too hard for Him to love you as He finds you. You might think that what you’ve done, who you’ve been, or what you are doing now is too far gone for Him to pick you up, rescue you, and redeem it all into something beautiful. But that is far from the truth!
The truth is: He loves you boundlessly and gracefully. Cry out to Him; call out for His help and His rescue. He will not let you down. Tell Him all about your guilt, your shame, your pain, your anger, your sorrow, and all your failures. Lay them all out before Him—He knows them all anyway. Unload the heavy burden you have been carrying for far too long. Leave it all with Him; He knows exactly what to do with it and has the strength to carry it. He will come and fill you up where you are empty, and He will heal your broken heart. He will wrap His arms around you and love you with a perfect love. Fall into His arms and let Him faithfully take care of you.
He will take your past, and even your present, and redeem it all in ways you could have never imagined.
If what you thought was the truth is a lie
And what you fought to keep on breathing has died
You face the lonely nights and wrestle with the dark
And you reach to find the love to fill the space inside your heart
It's hard to put it into words the way you feel
It's an ache and emptiness that lingers still
Are you a victim of the past without a trace of hope in sight?
And it all goes by so fast without a way to make it right
If you worry, don't worry
And what you fought to keep on breathing has died
You face the lonely nights and wrestle with the dark
And you reach to find the love to fill the space inside your heart
It's hard to put it into words the way you feel
It's an ache and emptiness that lingers still
Are you a victim of the past without a trace of hope in sight?
And it all goes by so fast without a way to make it right
If you worry, don't worry
God will come and wrap His arms around you
It wouldn't be too much
For Him to love you as He found you
And it may seem like you're too far gone
But He loves you like His only Son
And He will come
He will come
From the bounty of a river there's a flow
And from the beauty of the Father's heart's a home
That never leaves you empty no, and never leaves you bare
So come and bring your guilt and shame
Come and leave it there
If you're willing, He is willing
Oh, you don't have to be worthy
You don't have to be anything but willing to fall into His arms
Willing to fall into His arms
It wouldn't be too much
For Him to love you as He found you
And it may seem like you're too far gone
But He loves you like His only Son
And He will come
He will come
From the bounty of a river there's a flow
And from the beauty of the Father's heart's a home
That never leaves you empty no, and never leaves you bare
So come and bring your guilt and shame
Come and leave it there
If you're willing, He is willing
Oh, you don't have to be worthy
You don't have to be anything but willing to fall into His arms
Willing to fall into His arms
A few days ago, I shared with some friends my thoughts of how ironic it was that some of the most awful things of our past can actually bring joy into our present lives. I was thinking about my abortion and about some of the things that I’m currently experiencing and the friendships I have made all related to my past and how these things have brought me joy.
For example, the other day, I discovered that a person with whom God had intertwined my daughter’s life (and therefore also mine) was a post-abortive Christian sister living through her own redemption journey. It was such a joy to me for us to be able to share our hearts with each other and God’s amazing work and grace in our lives. It was an incredible blessing to enjoy the connection God brought about between us because of our pasts. I started to feel a guilty pang about the joy I felt when I reminded myself it was all related to my regretful abortion. But God lovingly reminded me that I did not need to feel guilty about feeling the joy. He assured me that it was all part of His beautiful redemption of that past, and that I am free to find joy in His redemption. Oh, God, thank you so much that you are The Great Redeemer!
This has given a whole new meaning to the verses in Psalm 30 which say:
Weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning.
Next post: My Story - Telling Our Children
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