My Story - A Testimony for Texas

In July of 2011, the Operation Outcry organization sent out an email saying that there was a court battle happening for a 2011 Texas law that required doctors to show and describe ultrasound images to a woman and to allow her to hear her baby’s heartbeat prior to an abortion.  The law had been enacted in 2011 but a group of medical providers (who probably had a lot of money to lose) fought against the law and had it blocked.  Operation Outcry stated in their email that any woman who had experienced an abortion in Texas could submit their testimony to the defense counsel involved this case.  The testimony would be considered for use in the legal proceedings.  The defense counsel hoped that these testimonies would help the courts realize that it is extremely important for women, and also their right, to be fully informed and educated prior to an abortion.  I submitted my testimony; although, it was not used because my experience did not meet certain criteria the defense counsel was looking for.  But there were many other women’s testimonies which were accepted and used for the court proceedings. 

I am very happy and excited to say that earlier this month, the federal court of appeals unblocked the law stating it did not violate the Constitution.  The 5^th Circuit court stated:  "Only if one assumes ... that pregnancy is a condition to be terminated, can one assume that such information about the fetus is medically irrelevant".  Hooray for the federal court and for the state of Texas!

Here’s the testimony I submitted:

In 1985, I lived in the Houston, TX area.  I was 16 years old and found myself unexpectedly pregnant.  I was so afraid and embarrassed that I did not take a pregnancy test at home—too afraid to buy one at the store.  Instead, I went to a pregnancy clinic with my boyfriend where they ran a urine test and told me that I was about 6 weeks pregnant.  Prior to going to the clinic, I had made the decision that if the test was positive I would have to have an abortion.  I could not fathom facing my parents and telling them I was pregnant.  I felt terrible about the decision but was filled with great fear.  During the time that we were waiting for the test to be done at the pregnancy clinic, my boyfriend and I were asked to sit down on a couch in front of a TV and shown a horrible film on abortions.  I could not relate with this film whatsoever and hardly watched any of it because I was horrified by being shown abortions.  I kept telling myself that it would not be the same for me because I would have the abortion before my baby had grown as much as was shown on the film.  I had planned to have it done as soon as possible before my baby had much shape or any feelings to pain.  That is what I kept telling myself to make it all easier.  I left that pregnancy clinic and immediately scheduled an appointment for an abortion at a different clinic.

Two weeks later, 8 weeks pregnant, my boyfriend and I arrived at my abortion appointment.  There were so many people waiting for their appointments, crying or sad all around me.  We waited for hours and hours for it to be my turn.  I tried to not think about what I was really about to do.  But kept trying to comfort myself that my baby was so tiny and unformed, that I was doing the best thing, and that I was doing better than others there who were further along in their pregnancies.  I kept thinking there was no way I would go through with it if my baby was as far along as others. When it was my turn and I had been prepped, the doctor walked in and asked me if I was okay.  I told him I was scared, very nervous, and didn’t want to feel anything.  So he gave me an injection with some kind of mild sedative and began the procedure. 

What if that doctor had done an ultrasound prior to performing the abortion procedure?  What if he had shown me my baby’s beating heart and its forming body and explained to me all its intricate development at that stage of pregnancy?  Oh, how I wish that would have been the case!  How much I wish that more had been done to show me the reality of the life that was growing within me.  Maybe I would have changed my mind.  I believe that seeing my baby on a monitor, seeing its movement, hearing its heart beat, and seeing its reality within me could have made a great difference in my decision.  I could not have seen that life and disconnected from the fact it was actually living and growing within me.  And very possibly, it would have given me the courage to say no to the abortion and yes to telling my parents and facing whatever consequences came next.  They would have been way better than what I face today.

My words can never fully express, how much I regret my abortion and how much pain it has brought me over the years.  I can’t express enough how much I wish I could take back that horrific act and give my baby life, instead of death.  I can’t express how much I wish I could travel back in time and change what I did.  I share my experience with others that they may be helped in making a different decision.  I plead the state of Texas to please help Texas women make a most informed decision about their babies by keeping it mandatory for doctors to perform an ultrasound prior to an abortion and show the babies to their mothers.  Please give the women of Texas an opportunity for something I never had—to see there is a very real and growing baby in their womb and that its heart is beating strong.